Memory Lost

Chapter 45: Feelings for Each Other

Just after walking a few steps out of Bai Jin Xi’s room, Han Chen bumps into Xin Jia.

Xin Jia had followed him when he left his room. After guarding him for one day and night, she looks rather fatigued. She looks at Han Chen while crossing her arms subconsciously, “Han Chen! How could you get out of bed?”

Han Chen glances at her and doesn’t say anything. He continues walking with his hand pressing on the wall for support. Xin Jia goes up to him immediately. She reaches over to lend him a hand, but he avoids her.

“Move aside.”

Xin Jia watches his tall and limping back view and her eyes turn red slowly. Her expression is calm. Calm but full of sadness.

After walking a few steps, Han Chen stops suddenly and turns his head to look at her.

Xin Jia’s heart shakes.

No matter how many times Han Chen has turned her down before, he has never looked at her with such a ruthless gaze before.

“You haven’t been looking for me as frequently as before,” he says slowly, “Why is that?”

Xin Jia is stunned for a second, “What do you mean……”

“Are you afraid of bumping into someone who’s around me?” he stares at her.

Xin Jia’s heart pounds. A feeling of hopelessness crosses her heart. She holds her hands into fists subconsciously. Her face turns red and then pale. She moves her lips but no sound comes out.

Her reaction is more than enough to tell Han Chen what the answer is. He smiles slightly, doesn’t bother with her anymore, turns around and leaves.

After returning to his room, Han Chen lies back onto his bed feeling exhausted.

He stares at the ceiling, but all he sees is Bai Jin Xi’s flushed face, feeling wronged and angry. He can’t help but feel suppressed and depressed. After keeping silent for a while, he picks up his cellphone and dials for Cold Face.

“Print me a copy of Bai Jin Xi’s profile and bring it to me.”

Cold Face is very efficient when it comes to work. An hour later, he brings the documents to Han Chen and leaves without asking anything.

Han Chen reads through them while leaning on the bed. He uses a pen to circle some parts:

Location of birth: Hongshan County. Past Residence: 17 Fuyang Lang, Hongshan County.

Education: Shajiang Police Academy, 56th Criminal Investigation class #2.

Home address: 26 Yaan village South Avenue, Shajiang city. House was burnt down in July 2010 due to a fire. Deceased family members: Bai Yao Zong, Zhao Lan Chun (Bai Jin Xi’s parents).

……

He reaches out his hand and presses on the bell. A nurse comes in soon after and asks smiling, “What’s the matter?”

Han Chen raises his head, “When can I leave the hospital?”

The nurse is stunned for a second before answering, “You……at least need a week. After going home, you also need to be careful not to overexert yourself.”

Han Chen nods, “I understand, thank you.”

_____

The afternoon on the next day.

Jin Xi is lying on the bed with nothing to do. Zhou Xiao Zhuan has come from the station. He’s sitting on the side of the bed and is feeding her.

After feeding her a few times, he can’t help to start gossiping, “Cold Face received a phone call from Leader yesterday.

Leader got him to look up some information, and they were being so secretive about it. He photocopied a bunch of documents, and when he bumped into me, he immediately hid them and wouldn’t let me see.”

Jin Xi is stunned for a second before making a “pshh” sound and saying, “Who cares what they were doing.”

Xiao Zhuan doesn’t know why Jin Xi is not on good terms with Han Chen suddenly. She won’t tell him even when he asks. Therefore, he has no choice but to discontinue the topic. He changes the subject, “Forensic Investigation Xu didn’t come today?”

“No.”

Xiao Zhuan is a bit surprised, “Didn’t he say yesterday that he would come today?”

“How would I know?”

They stare at each other. Xiao Zhuan lets out a deep sigh.

Jin Xi isn’t in a good mood to begin with, so hearing him sigh makes her even more irritated, “F*** you! I haven’t even settled everything with you yet! Why did you let Han Chen stay here alone yesterday? A great friend you are……”

Before she finishes, she sees Xiao Zhuan looking towards the door and standing up right away. He doesn’t forget to make eye contact with her.

Jin Xi follows his gaze to see who’s there. Who else could it be besides Han Chen?

Just after one night, he’s already looking a lot better. His face is no longer pale, and he’s standing up straight, only pressing one hand onto the wall lightly for support. Despite wearing a patient’s gown, he looks tall and handsome.

He clearly overheard their conversation just now. Those eyes of his are looking deeply into her.

Jin Xi’s heart feels numb. She turns her head immediately to look out the window.

Xiao Zhuan pretends as if he doesn’t know anything and says smiling, “Leader, you’re here to visit Xiao Bai?”

Han Chen nods and walks to the chair beside the bed. He presses both hands onto the armrests and sits down slowly while staring at the back of Bai Jin Xi’s head.

“Xiao Zhuan,” he says.

“Hm?”

“Leave me here by myself.”

Jin Xi is struck dumb. She turns around and her eyes meet with his.

She just can’t understand! Why is Han Chen being such a hardball?! He has never been this hateable before. Looking at his fair white and handsome face, the raging fire in Jin Xi’s heart is burning even more furiously.

She glares at Zhou Xiao Zhuan, “You dare leave!”

Han Chen raises his head and stares at Zhou Xiao Zhuan without a word.

Zhou Xiao Zhuan stands up quietly and says softly, “I don’t dare to not leave……” He picks up his jacket and dashes off immediately!

The room returns to silence.

Jin Xi remains quiet.

Han Chen isn’t trying to provoke her, but the instant he sees her, the feeling of anxiousness and his suppressed emotions surge up in his chest.

His strong instincts tell him that she, is she. This woman who has been causing all the distress in his heart lately is actually the same woman who has been causing him heartaches over a thousand days and nights. He just wants to grab her and lock her into his embrace right now. He wants to kiss her, hug her and ask her if she remembers even the tiniest bit about him. He wants to ask her if she remembers the love relationship that has him yearning for even in his dreams.

But his consciousness tells him that he must wait. He must do a bit more investigation and keep it to himself a little longer.

She’s within his arm’s’ reach, yet he cannot have her. He’s enduring it silently feeling his heartstrings being tugged, while she doesn’t know a thing.

Therefore, he can’t help exposing his fierce personality and taking it all out on her.

He stares at her again for another while with all the anxiousness in his heart, and then his gaze falls onto the lunchbox on the table.

He stands up, picks up the lunchbox, grabs the spoon inside and fiddles with the food. She hasn’t eaten a whole lot.

Although Jin Xi’s eyes are still looking to the side, she notices his actions from the corner of her eye as well as from listening to the noise. She then senses something sinking her bed down. He is sitting down beside her again.

Jin Xi’s body becomes stiff. She glares at him, “What do you want to do?”

She then sees him scoop up a spoonful and holds it to her mouth.

“I’m feeding you,” his deep voice says. It actually carries a hint of gentleness.

Xiao Zhuan had made a special trip to her dorm to get this lunchbox and the spoon. And right now, he’s holding her light green lunchbox with one hand and the silver spoon with a green handle on the other. They accent his fingers, making them look long, lean, and fair white. All of a sudden, Jin Xi doesn’t have the appetite anymore. She turns her head to the side with determination, “I don’t want to eat.”

Han Chen glances at her and lowers his hand.

“Okay,” he says, “I’ll eat it if you don’t want to.”

Jin Xi is stunned. She turns her head and sees him lifting up her spoon unconcernedly and putting it into his mouth. He glances at her, lowers his head, and takes another spoonful.

Jin Xi: “……Do as you wish.”

Han Chen eats rather slowly. Jin Xi feels stuffed for a while before darting her eyes at him, who’s still scooping food from her lunchbox and chewing slowly. He’s still handsome and refined as usual.

“Where’s my necklace?” Jin Xi asks what she has been wanting to ask since yesterday. She holds out her hand in front of him, “Give it back to me!”

Han Chen looks at her, puts down the spoon, reaches into the collar of his patient gown and pulls out the necklace for her to see. And then he grabs the spoon and starts eating again.

Jin Xi: “……Who let you wear it around your neck? Give it back to me!”

Han Chen ignores her request and asks indifferently, “What necklace is this?”

Jin Xi doesn’t want to tell him the significance of this necklace, so she makes up an answer, “You don’t recognize this? It’s a meteorite. Give it back!”

Han Chen lowers his head, holds the pendant with his fingers and looks at it. It’s black and twisted and about the size of a peanut. It does indeed look like a rock. Seeing how anxious she is, he takes a moment to think. He takes the necklace off, weighs it in his hand and turns to look at her, “Finish eating and I’ll give the necklace back to you.”

Jin Xi: “Really?”

“Mm.”

He takes a look at her, picks up the spoon and holds it in front of her mouth again. Jin Xi avoids his gaze, opens her mouth, and accepts the food.

Right after she finishes chewing and swallowing it down, another spoon is already waiting for her.

Jin Xi doesn’t make any complaints; she takes one mouthful after another. His gaze, on the other hand, has been fixed on her face the whole time.

She finishes eating very soon.

He puts the lunchbox down and hands her a tissue. Jin Xi takes it, wipes her mouth and without a second thought, she scrunches it up and throws it at him. His expression remains calm as he bends down, fetches the tissue and throws it into the garbage.

“Necklace!” she says immediately.

Han Chen doesn’t respond and doesn’t give her back the necklace right away. Instead, he sits down on the side of her bed again and presses his arms down on each side of her, encasing her.

Jin Xi bites on her lip and doesn’t say anything.

But his next few words surprise her.

“I’m leaving for a few days. I’ll be taking off tomorrow. There’s something I need to investigate.”

Jin Xi subconsciously wants to ask him what he’s investigating, but she holds it to herself.

But those eyes of his looking at her makes her heart feel pinched.

“Take good care of yourself,” he says softly.

Jin Xi doesn’t respond. He also doesn’t say anything more.

The afternoon sun is bright and quiet. The wind blows onto the curtains lightly. His face is gorgeous like a sculpture. They are in close proximity, and his arms create a small space around her. And the atmosphere in this space seems to have become ambiguous and restless.

He wants to kiss her.

His dark brown eyes, slightly pressed thin lips and chest moving up and down gently seem as if they’re saying these exact words to her.

Even though Jin Xi hasn’t been friendly to him, she can’t help but feel her heart in her mouth.

There’s sweetness; there’s bitterness.

She swears that if he kisses her, she’ll slap him.

But he doesn’t take action.

Only those calm and burning eyes shift from her long hair to her face, her eyebrows, her eyes and then fall onto her lips in the end.

After a moment of silence, he lets go of his hands and gets up, “Get some good rest.”

Jin Xi doesn’t feel good at all.

He clearly hasn’t done anything, but she feels her face and neck burning.

Even though they didn’t kiss, she feels as if she had been kissed by him for a long time.

It’s because she could feel him restraining his desire to kiss her from his gaze.

This man. Oh, this man……

She grabs her pillow and whips it at him despite she shouldn’t be exerting herself, “Give me back my necklace! You promised me just now.”

Han Chen grabs her pillow, glances at her and throws it to the end of her bed.

“I was only pacifying you,” he says nonchalantly. He turns around and walks out of the room.

Jin Xi: “……Han Chen, you bastard!”

_____

Han Chen provokes her directly and leaves swiftly. He leaves Jin Xi by herself staring at the empty doorway and the room gradually becoming quiet. She can’t control her mind from thinking repeatedly about his every movement just now, his eyebrows and eyes, and the scent from his fingers and lips.

Bitterness and sweetness, just like entangled vines twisting and growing in her heart.

Han Chen, do you know that? I just can’t find it in myself to ask you whether you would choose your fiancee or me.

I don’t want to be chosen and I will definitely not ask. Moreover, I do not wish to force you to make a decision and promise.

But Han Chen, why did you have to look at me that way?

It’s as if the one you love is me.

_____

Early morning of the next day. Cold Face drives Han Chen’s land rover to the hospital.

Han Chen has changed into a black jacket and casual pants. His left leg still has bandages wrapped around it. He takes the car keys from Cold Face and sits inside while using the car door as support.

Cold Face places a gym bag on the passenger seat. There are some spare clothes, maps, all relating documents on Bai Jin Xi, bottled water, and the medicine that he needs to take for these few days. There is also a bottle of painkillers in case the wound on his leg hurts.

“How many days will you be gone for?” Cold Face asks.

Han Chen starts up the car and answers, “Three or four days.” He glances at him, “Take good care of Bai Jin Xi.”

Just like before, Cold Face doesn’t ask him further. He nods simply.

Han Chen leaves the hospital. Cold Face calls a cab and goes back to the station.

And about a hundred meters away from the hospital’s entrance, Xin Jia, who’s wearing a white dress, is standing in a corner of the hallway, watching Han Chen’s car leave without budging.

After a while, she raises her head and looks up at the window of Jin Xi’s room. Her expression turns gloomy yet indifferent.